“Dr. Elliot to ICU stat.”
Harley decided to catch up with Dr. Elliot there. The corridors were easy enough for someone with Harley’s expertise in reading the color coded hall maps. He found Dr. Elliot standing outside an ICU room with two grieving parents. The doctor excused himself for the moment and joined Harley.
“I’m not going to be able to make this afternoon. I am losing a patient. My wife and I are good friends with the parents.”
“May I ask?”
“Bobby Ellison, ten years old, hit by a drunk driver while riding his bike. Had a helmet on, but it didn’t help. He’s been on life support for four days now. We’ve done everything we can. He is brain dead.”
Harley noticed the little girl holding a doll and singing to it.
“Sister?”
“Yeah, Natalie. She’s six. Saw the whole thing. Car only missed her by inches.”
“What’s going to happen with Bobby?”
“Robert and Christina have decided to turn off the machines and donate his organs. We will be able; at least we think we will be able to harvest his heart, one lung, both kidneys, both eyes and his liver. We’ve got a baby upstairs that is six days old that needs a liver. Bobby is a perfect match. We are also going to be able to send part of the liver to UCLA for a two year old little girl. The heart will stay here for a nine year old girl. I know his eyes will go to Las Vegas and the kidneys will go to Seattle to a set of twins that were born with one small kidney each. They have spent the first sixteen months of their little lives on dialysis. It breaks my heart for the family, but I am so relieved they decided to go this way.”
“What about Natalie? Has she seen him?”
“No, that’s why I’m glad you are here.”
“Are you going in the OR?”
“Yeah,” he said with a heavy heart. “Christina doesn’t want him to be alone. Do you think you could fly back out some other time to finish the start up?”
“Of course. You’ve got great people here. They don’t need any convincing from me. Give me a few minutes with the sister. Are you on a time crunch?”
“Sort of. We need to do this soon.”
“You get the parents in and out of there. I take Natalie.”
Harley’s heart sank as he approached the little girl. This was always the part he hated the most. Her strawberry blond curls hung in ringlets around her cheeks. Her green eyes shined and reminded Harley of his mom. She held a Carpatina doll with strawberry blond hair and green eyes too.
“What’s your friend’s name?”
“Emma.”
“I have a sister named Emma. You are as pretty as she is, Emma. I like red heads.”
“Emma says thank you but we aren’t suppose to talk to strangers,” Natalie informed Harley as she fiddled with Emma's polished moonstone that hung around her neck from a blue silk cord. Harley noticed that Natalie wore the same necklace. Harley recognized it because his sister Emma had the same doll. Emma's daughter Emily wore the necklace. The necklace, so his neice had informed him, was magic and was a protection necklace. For next few minutes, Natalie was going to need all the magic she could get.
“Well, Emma is very smart. You should listen to her. I am a stranger but, I also am a medical person.” He showed her his temporary hospital badge. My name is Harley. I know Dr. Elliott.” Harley looked up so the doctor could wave to Natalie and let her know it was okay. “I hear you have had a rough couple of days.”
“My brother got hit by a car. A bad man wasn’t paying attention and ran over him. He almost got me too. Bobby was playing around and ran me off into the grass just before the car came. He saved me,” she informed Harley. She never took her eyes off the doll.
“You’ve got a pretty brave brother.”
“I won’t have a brother very long,” she told him as she looked him in the eye for the first time. “Bobby is going to die. I heard the nurses. Mommy and Daddy are too sad to talk to me, but I know.”
“You’re pretty smart for a six year old.”
“I want to see him, but Mommy says when he’s better. He’s not gonna get better, is he?”
“No,” Harley conceded. “I’m sorry Natalie, but you’re right. He’s not going to get better.”
“Do you think he is hurting?”
“No.”
“Does he know he is dying?”
“No.”
“You’re the first grown up to talk to me like I’m not some dumb kid.”
“Well you’re not a dumb kid. You are a sister that loves her big brother, no matter how big of a brat he might have been from time to time.”
“Try most of the time. He liked to hide Emma all the time. I found her under his bed, behind the washer, in the washer, under the sink in the bathroom by the kitchen, in the fireplace, in the garage, in the basement behind some old boxes and last week Daddy found her on the roof by the chimney.”
“Sounds like Emma might be a little mad at him.”
“No, she decided it was like Bobby helped us play hide and seek. I couldn’t help her hide so Bobby did.”
“Well, that’s a very mature way of looking at it.”
“Can I ask you something else?”
“Ask me anything.”
“Will Bobby go to heaven?”
“What do you think?”
“When we go to church, the minister says that God loves all the little children.”
“Do you agree with him?”
“I think so.”
“Well then, there’s your answer. God isn’t mean. He does love kids. He loves adults too. We just don’t understand why he chooses to do stuff sometimes. Dr. Elliot thought that maybe I could help you say goodbye to Bobby.”
“Why?”
“Because I had a brother that died too.”
“You did?”
“His name was Brayden. He died before he could be born.”
“How old were you?”
“I was almost four. I know what it’s like to lose someone you love like that. You have to know that Bobby will always be with you. He will always live in your heart.”
“Is he going to die today?”
“Yes. Bobby’s brain stopped working after the accident. There were machines put in place to breathe for him and to beat his heart and move his blood. Bobby’s not in there. He’s kinda already in heaven.”
Natalie sat in silence. One tear escaped her brave stalwart eyes. The straighter she tried to sit, the smaller she looked. Harley waited patiently until she was ready again.
“What happens now?”
“Well, there’s time to say goodbye. You can take as long as you need to. Even though he’s not in there anymore, he will hear you. You can say whatever you need to say.”
“You’ll go with me?”
“If you want me to I will. I can leave whenever you ask me to.”
Harley had been watching the doorway out of the corner of his eye. He saw Dr. Wachter go in with the parents. It was fifteen minutes before Robert carried a distraught Christina from the room.
"Can you and Emma hang out here for a minute while I talk to Bobby’s nurse?”
Natalie nodded as Harley stood. He asked the nurse to turn the alarms off and make sure that all incisions were covered.
“We need to minimize the trauma focus. The less of the damage she sees, the better.”
The nurse promised to do her best. Harley returned to Natalie.
“Does Emma have any questions?”
“She wants to know what’s gonna happen to Bobby after he stops breathing.”
“Well, the doctors are going to take Bobby to an operating room. He won’t feel anything. They will turn off the machines and his body will die.”
“Mommy and Daddy will bury him?”
“Yes. In the operating room the doctors will save his heart, kidneys, liver and one of his lungs. They’ll save his eyes too.”
“Why?”
“Well God made us so that some of our organs can live in other people. There are some sick kids, even a baby here. Bobby’s heart and other organs will go to save them.”
“So if Bobby is dead his heart will live?”
“Yes and it will help someone else live too.”
Natalie paused to process. “I think I like that idea. So not all of Bobby will die. Bobby will save other kids like he saved me.”
“Yes, Natalie, he will. You can be very proud of him.”
“My brother’s a hero,” she smiled softly. “Bobby will live inside the people he saves.”
“I’m glad you are so smart. Some kids have been upset at the idea of part of their brother going into other kids.”
“Did Brayden get to help anyone when he died?”
“No. Like I said, he died before he was born so he couldn’t. But because of him, I do this. I talk to kids with sick brothers and sisters or that are losing a parent or sister or brother. I try to think about what he would want me to do and I do it. And every year on his birthday I have an ice cream cone. The ice cream he can’t.”
“I think I’ll do that too. Bobby likes strawberry with marshmallows mixed in from Cold Stone Creamy.”
“That’s sounds like a good idea. Are you and Emma ready to see Bobby?”
“Emma's scared.”
“Emma, would you feel better if I held Natalie’s hand?”
“Emma thinks that would be a good idea,” she said as she clutched her doll and fought her tears. As they walked to the door Harley saw the broken parents waiting with the doctors. The mother buried her face in her husband’s chest and sobbed uncontrollably. Harley, too, had to fight the tears as the little hand in his trembled. Bravery didn’t change the fact that Natalie was only six.
The nurse had covered all this visible injuries she could. There had been significant bruising on Bobby’s face. There were bandages covering the stitches on his forehead. The stitches in his lip could not be covered. Harley moved a chair with them next to the bed. Natalie took in each wire, tube and machine. The respirator tube was ominus as it parted his lips. Silent tears flowed from Natalie as she took Harley’s help to stand in the chair next to Bobby’s bed.
“Hi, Bubba. I’m sorry your brain doesn’t work anymore. Thank you for saving me. The bad man was taken away by the policemen. I heard Daddy say the man is going to jail for a very long time for what he did to you. I hope you’re not lonely in heaven. Find Grandma Eve. She’ll play with you. My new friend Harley says you don’t hurt and I’m glad. I wish you didn’t have to go to heaven. I’ll take care of Boomer. I’ll walk him everyday. I won’t let Mommy get rid of your comic books. And I’ll pop Danny Martin in the nose at lunch like you wanted to do. I don’t think I want to ride my bike anymore. I think I’ll walk from now on if that’s not too chicken. Emma is gonna miss the hide and seek too. I really wish you didn’t die. Harley says you’re gonna save some people with your organs. Your heart will still live in someone else. Make your heart be good for them,” she openly sobbed. Her little face turned up to Harley and his heart broke for her. “Do you want to talk to Bobby?”
“Sure, hi Bobby. My name is Harley and your sister and I have been talking about you. I’m sorry you have to go. My little brother is up there with you. His name is Brayden. He’ll show you around. You have a very brave sister.”
“I’m gonna eat your ice cream for you on your birthday like Harley does for his brother. It’s not to be mean, honest. I know I didn’t tell you all the time but I love you and you were a really good brother. I’ll never forget you.”
It became too much for her and Harley lifted her into his arms. He rocked her until she could bring herself together.
“Would you like to kiss his head before you leave?”
Her nod was slight but determined. Natalie let Harley keep Emma as he helped her kneel beside Bobby. Her tiny rosebud lips kissed her bruised and lost brother goodbye. She returned to Harley’s arm and he carried her to her parents who had been able to watch the exchange through the window. Harley bowed out and compossed himself. Dr. Elliot let the nurses into the room. Far too soon, Bobby was wheeled to the OR. Harley watched as the grieving trio followed the bed and machines. Natalie waved goodbye to Harley over her father’s shoulder. No matter how many times Harley helped a child say good bye, it never got any easier. But every time, he felt closer to the baby brother to whom he never had the chance to say good bye. Though he had seven other brothers and five sisters, it was Brayden that was with him every time he went to work.